


warm butterflies

by hanareader



Category: Naruto
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Denial, Friendship, Gen, Ghosts, I will try humor, Pre-Slash, Pre-Time Skip, Revenge, Strong Language, Tragedy, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, bear with me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-09
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-23 04:05:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9640013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanareader/pseuds/hanareader
Summary: “You’re dead, are you crazy, go back to being dead.”“I’m obviously a ghost, idiot.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Clarity](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4435880) by [blackkat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackkat/pseuds/blackkat). 
  * Inspired by [Offerings](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9111277) by [Rockabilly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rockabilly/pseuds/Rockabilly). 



He thought he was dreaming. He had never had a relationship with religion before, never understood it when people would pass by shrines and stop, bow their body low to their waist and clap. He didn't know what they did when they got down on their knees to pray. Many questions continued to prompt him: what a God was, what you were supposed to say to him, what you should do to get him to notice you, help you. Years before he remembered asking Iruka-sensei, what happens after we die, curious and alert when Iruka told him that he didn't know, that he was too young to be asking these kind of questions. Naruto didn't know what that meant however, because what did he mean too young? He was only twelve.

Sasuke too, then, was only twelve.

It was their first mission. Naruto couldn't imagine what that could mean or what'd happen to him now after the fact. He tried not to think about the consequences. Other missions went smoothly, so simple he could miss seeing it, picking up litter besides the river or taking care of baby farm animals. They were the easiest of things, and one of Konoha’s few secret blessings – moments where her ninja didn’t have to be ninja. Nothing went wrong. Nobody got hurt. But most importantly, nobody _died_. He was sure of this fact. He knew that this mission, out of all the missions he’d ever have, would become his first and greatest failure.

So as Naruto watched as they lowered Sasuke's casket into his grave he could only look on listlessly. He watched as Sakura keened with mourning while the lump tightened in his throat. The sounds were choking him until he couldn't breathe, Sakura was crying so he finally had to turn his face away. To hear her over Sasuke's body was utterly heart-wrenching, because he was too powerless to help her, and he was too powerless to _save him_. His hands couldn't stop shaking.

Only a week ago Sasuke was alive, swerving in out of nowhere in time to catch Haku and send him flying. Sasuke caught on to his Sharingan and gave him a flash of red and his tell-tale smirk. He was his hero. Naruto thought everything, this icy hell was finally over, and he and Sasuke could bond over this with a clap of a hand – that they were now friends. He wasn’t even that jealous that the bastard stole the spotlight; he believed they won. But maybe there was still a debt to pay… because he saw one too many needles in his neck, something he realized a little too late. Naruto tried to ignore it but Sasuke's eyes were losing color and his heat was disappearing. He fell and Naruto dimly remembered to catch him, and he was light.

The box dropped in with a thud. Usually bodies were burned and their ashes saved in decorated jars for safe-keeping, he knew people kept the remains of their ancestors. But Sasuke had no one left to keep him safe, no family just like him, so what would be the point? Ashes were for the descended and Sasuke was twelve; Naruto was too embarrassed to speak up for the remains himself. What would he do with them anyway? Where would he put _him_? It’s not like they were friends.

The dirt piled in slowly while Kakashi-sensei comforted Sakura in her crying. His sensei laid a hand on Sakura’s pink lowered head and he swallowed thickly. Naruto couldn’t do that for her, not after this, Naruto couldn’t help her. He could only try his best to keep his head straight. If he didn’t stare for too long then maybe one day, she would forgive him.

…

“ _He’s still out there. My brother…”_

 _“I promised myself I’d stay alive till I killed him-_ ”

(Don’t.)

“ _Don’t let your dream die, Naruto._ ”

Naruto sat up with a start. Those were the last words he said. Naruto felt like kicking himself because it wasn’t fair, those were his last words when they didn’t need to be his last, when Naruto should’ve been stronger, dodged where Haku struck, and win. But instead he just laid there needing to be saved by Sasuke, and now Sasuke’s gone. Sasuke’s dream was gone.

These were the worst parts… the nightmares. Or rather the lack of nightmares, the lack of dreams, the lack of anything but the quiet night air and the sound of a few crickets hanging around his apartment. It was too quiet to do anything but think, and Naruto’s eyes stayed open for hours. Kakashi-sensei had given them a weeks leave with a firm grip of his shoulder – _you need to let him go,_ he ordered. He sent him home and took Sakura for escort, which Naruto didn’t make protest. After their time was up Jii-chan gave them their verdict, they needed to recover and compose themselves ready for their incoming mission: because he was to inform them that they were going to receive a new team member. A new boy. Sakura never flinched. Naruto didn’t say anything even though he wanted to, he wanted to punch the old man in his wrinkly, brown face. The Hokage and his sensei and his other sensei, all of them, gave him the time to meekly nod his agreement and never begin to speak his name; they waited patiently for him to remember his “duty”.

Naruto didn’t know what to do with his hands sometimes, he was so _pissed_.

He stared at the ceiling and breathed, tried to relax himself. He tried to ‘compose’. Kakashi said that with enough time and practice it would be easier, and soon they would finally forget. Sasuke would become a distant memory. Naruto thought Kakashi was wrong. He didn’t think anything could stop his mind from falling.

When morning came, it was only four forty and the sun wasn’t out yet. Naruto forced himself out of his futon, and though it was cold he didn’t allow himself to return back to the blankets. He didn’t deserve it. Sasuke was dead and Sakura was hurt and all that he felt was cold and empty, only the floor wicking the icy feeling from his toes. Numb, but not enough.

He decided that it was time he train.

...

Training at five in the Leaf Village was the best time to avoid the stares. The stares that only seemed to get worse after they came back empty one person. He couldn’t blame them and he let it get worse, Naruto knew that to hide away would only make him appear even more guilty. He took to the shadows and didn’t talk to Sakura, for the last few days he had holed himself up in his room. Bright orange was too bright for him and he was tired, when Sakura shyly came to visit he awkwardly joked and turned her away. He felt a little (a lot) like Sasuke.

Was this why-

Naruto _never_ wanted to become a bastard. Naruto didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.

When he finally reached the grounds the air was chilly. The fog that settled over the trees was thick to the point of eating it, swallowing it, heavy on his shoulders and dampening instantly his clothes and hair. It was cold. It felt like a numbing feeling seeping into his skin slowly, sinking his mood down to his gut while his nose inflamed at the sheer thickness. He began to sneeze and his eyes burned and Naruto thought, that maybe after all this the weather at least was fitting. Shitty. Appropriate.

It was also a little too much like their last battle, he didn’t know much about gods but this was just _uncanny_.

Rather than focusing on that tidbit for that would lead him on a path he didn’t want to go on, Naruto trained by walking on trees. Even though he already knew how to do that, he did them again. Naruto didn’t know what else he should train. He remembered when he needed to get stronger than Sasuke, their trees had slash marks testament to how badly he wanted to be better. More than the ashes he should’ve taken a piece of that tree home; unfortunately, that would be more accurate to their memory. He was embarrassed, he didn’t know what it was, those deep cuts being the only distant marks left of his friend in the world… or that even there, even so close to his end Naruto fought with him, wanted to beat him. Wanted to hate him.

They had such a stupid, stupid rivalry.

Sasuke wasn’t around anymore for training though. Tree-climbing was boring, training felt like work. He walked on his feet and then he walked on his hands and then back on his feet, until the soles of his shoes burned from the concentrated energy, and morning lifted and he could see past the fog once more. Light filtered through the boughs of the trees but Naruto didn’t pay any attention when a scoff sounded in the background. He was just hearing things. Naruto continued to march in silence.

“Idiot.”

“I know.” The genin pushed off the tree with ease and started over. He stared morosely down at his feet, as scratched and blistered as they were they pissed him off. “I swear, I’m really sorry.”

“You can hear me?” the voice was incredulous.

“It was my fault and it was supposed to be me, Sasuke. I really, really, _really_ hate you now.”

“All the thanks I get. Hey, dumbass, can you hear me?”

“What was I supposed to tell Sakura? Oh, yeah, I was resting on my knees and couldn’t see the attack coming in a circle of freaking ice mirrors. The hero who said he was going to be Hokage but needed to be saved...”

“Look, could you shut up and just answer my question?”

“I can’t avoid her forever. You made this harder than it had to be, you know! I didn’t ask for this!”

“Ugh, Naruto!”

He whipped his head. “What!”

“What?”

“What?”

“So you can hear me.”

“W-what?”

“Loser. Over here.” Naruto’s head turned and he blinked rapidly when the white shined in his eyes. He was blinded by it, making him see in different colors. It was kaleidoscope in rainbow until drifting back to white, some kind of silvery gray film that shimmered when the light touched it so. Like a halo. Blue eyes followed up a distinct outline, from thick geta to the trim of a yukata, held together by a sash all in white. The stance was familiar and only a little taller, with trademark bangs and spiky hair and that smug, smarmy, _asshole_ look.

The one wearing the yukata was Sasuke.

…

He pointed an accusing finger. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Ghost Sasuke, Naruto figured, must be a figment of his imagination, he examined his nails as if they could get dirty anyway and simply shrugged. “How am I supposed to know, I just appeared.”

He even talked. Sounded exactly like him. Stiffy Uchiha boredom like Naruto was the dirt underneath his ghost-nails, nothing new after death, just a pain in the neck as usual. Iruka’s always told him he had a good imagination but this was just insane.

“You’re dead, are you crazy, go back to being dead.”

“I’m obviously a ghost, idiot.”

His imagination had the nerve. “Arghh!” Naruto threw a kunai at him and watched when Sasuke failed to dodge. The Uchiha stood wide-eyed and shocked as the knife cleared through and the mist in his body never blipped. “I hate ghosts, get away from me!”

“Is this how you repay me saving your life?”

“I didn’t ask you to save me!”

“I don’t care whether you asked, would you- Stop! I’m dead. It’s not going to work.” Sasuke crossed his arms and stiffly held his ground, allowing Naruto the opportunity to pelt him with all the weapons he had. The Uzumaki began to run out and resorted to extremes, in the process of pulling a piece explosion tag the ghost called enough.

“Naruto-”

“You’re not real, you’re not real, you’re _so_ not real,” he muttered attaching the paper to his last kunai. He rolled the hilt until the seal stuck fast and spun the weapon on his fingers. Naruto looked at him.

Ghost Sasuke narrowed his eyes. “I dare you.”

“Shut up.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No, I’m not. Try me.”

“You’re dead.”

“Duh, dipshit. That’s what I’ve been telling you.”

“You’re dead but you’re here.”

“Yes?”

“Why are you _here_?” Naruto ran a hand through his hair and clenched until it burned. He needed to grasp something solid because Sasuke was simply standing there, a thin wisp before him like the smoke after one of his clones popped, something that would disappear in a second. He was going crazy and he could feel it grow, the panic crept up his skin leaving a trail of goosebumps. Sasuke will leave again after coming back to mess with him, leave twice and he suspected – no, Naruto knew – he was going to fall for it every single time.

Screw that. “Why don’t you just, go?”

The ghost asked slowly. “…you want me to go?”

“I get it, I messed up. Look, I’m really sorry, Sasuke, and if I was a smarter maybe you wouldn’t-”

“Are you an idiot?”

His throat strangled a sound.

“I mean, no, don’t answer that. Stop, Naruto. Stop.” Something in the way Sasuke sounded, high with desperation and _knowing_ drawn across his face, a single ghostly step towards him that he seized up. His heart hammered when a wispy hand reached out to him. Naruto backed away from the thing, from those eyes that looked at him with slow understanding and he hated this, Naruto hated him.

Why did he have to sound so real?

He kept him from getting closer. “Just get away from me, okay! I don’t know if it’s the fox or something wrong with me but I’m not gonna fall for it, you can’t make me! This isn’t funny, so why don’t you just poof away like you did before...” Sasuke faltered in face and Naruto considered that a win. He’s quiet too, maybe he’s finally regaining control of his mind. “I’m gonna close my eyes and count to three, and when I open them you’re not gonna be there.”

“Naruto…”

He pointed a finger. “And shut up too! Don’t say anything! Dead people can’t talk!”

He shut his eyes. Scrunched them tight as if the ethereal glow coming from dream!Sasuke wouldn’t stab past his lids and shine a soft yellow warmth before his pupils. Imagination never went this far into detail, where the light coming from Sasuke tickled his skin, tingling him delightfully and bursting little warm butterflies in his chest. It felt like it did when Iruka took him out to eat and with a smile asked after himself. Like Naruto was sure it would if – should Sasuke had given him the time of his day. His heart fluttered, hammering in tight little punches and a painful grin stretched across his face. He couldn’t help himself. Something was going right. A trickle of happiness because this was the first time since feeling this warm, this _good_ , and the single skip in his heart beat like hope.

Sasuke had to ruin it.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

His heart soared, the traitor.

“Shut up!” he could hear the ghost sigh.

Naruto slapped his palms over his eyes. There. The light emitting from Sasuke couldn’t go through thick skin which left his sight blanketed in darkness. He flitted his lashes beneath his hands because they were getting slippery dammit!, and blinking was hard under here, where he was furiously thinking. About Sasuke, stupid, stupid Sasuke, who just had to make himself known like the arrogant attention-stealer he was, because he couldn’t just die invisible and forgettable and appropriately quiet. He couldn’t just die like everybody else. No; he had to be his friend and he just had to save him, to be exactly who Haku predicted: someone loyal, worthy, important. Somebody precious.

And then he had the nerve to _come back_.

That asshole.

“I’m counting starting now. One,” he announced.

Hindsight sucked ass, really. Nothing was fair. Sasuke was gone and even when he was alive Naruto didn’t notice. He couldn’t appreciate him until after he was dead and his body sealed forever, couldn’t appreciate him until his brain had beat itself in the head to imagine Sasuke as a freaking ghost from the past to haunt him. Of all things. Maybe it’s because he’s too much of a knucklehead, that’s gotta be the reason, to realize that Sasuke was a friend until the boy died to save his ass. Maybe his eyes weren’t good, to realize his dead, “imaginary friend” here was precious only after he was stolen. By then, however, realizing would have been too late.

_'Deadlast.'_

The Uzumaki frowned to himself. The bigger problem was – this had happened before. Back when Mizuki tricked him and told him the truth about himself, about being the Jinchuuriki. Naruto always thought Iruka-sensei was super annoying and too loud, always asking for weird stuff like doing his homework and washing the laundry. He pictured him like a pesky bird outside his window that wouldn’t shut up and made him wake up in the morning for super dumb reasons. He didn’t hate his teacher but he didn’t particularly like him either; he just didn’t care to notice. Iruka-sensei took the windmill shruiken to his back for him and the wound left him in critical care, just a smidge too close to his spinal column they said. Naruto thought he was going to die, and he would’ve been too late to learn that his teacher wasn’t at all the old stickler he thought he was.

Naruto promised himself something like that wasn’t ever going to happen again.

His hands clenched and the heels of his palms dug into his eyes. _I hate you,_ he thought to himself. “Two.”

“Look, Naruto.”

“No! Now I’m gonna have to count all over from the beginning, this time going all the way up to ten. You’ll see! You’ll be gone after that!”

“Naruto…” his words were closer, soft with something unnamable.

He was so scared of ghosts.

“One. Two,” Naruto spoke brattishly loud and indignant. If his voice cracked, well, technically no one else was here to hear him. “On the count of three. Two and a half. Two and three-quarters...”

“I’m sorry.”

The blond peeked between his fingers and his friend was right in front of him. “No, you’re not. Uh, two and a something.”

He could see the minute wrinkles in white, how Ghost Sasuke twitched. “Seven-eighths, idiot.”

“That! And you’re not even sorry, so shut up.”

Sasuke shrugged coolly. “You’re right. I’m not sorry for saving you. But if I knew you’d be this freaked I wouldn’t have died in the first place.”

“Well, I wish you didn’t!”

“Well, I’m sorry I couldn’t have been stronger!”

“You should be!”

“I am!”

Argh! This was why he always hated him so much. He poked through air, or what was supposed to be his teammate’s chest. “No one asked you to be a fucking hero, Sasuke. Turning into some stupid nice-guy by the end; I didn’t ask you. You should have stayed in your emo corner and kept your head out of other people’s business.”

Uchiha Sasuke was never someone who’d take things quietly. His hands didn’t exist but he shoved back. Didn’t accomplish anything though. “This was _our_ fight, you dumbass. If we’re going to be talking about heroes butting in you should know that Haku was mine, you “helped” where you weren’t needed.”

“You were going to die!”

“So were you!”

Yelling at a figment of his imagination wasn’t working. Arguing yet again after he told himself not to, after the kid was dead, for heaven’s sake, made Naruto feel worse. Ghost Sasuke should know his reasons but maybe Naruto’s mind was playing dumb, messing with him, making him say the things he never wanted to say in real time. It hurt to admit, but if he ripped the band-aid off quick he’d finally come to terms with himself and Sasuke would… disappear.

“Sakura gives a damn about _you_ ,” the words served cold off his tongue, freezing behind his front teeth until he bit his inside cheek. The blood was metallic, flooding in his mouth and he swallowed it down bitterly. He hated Sasuke, it was official, for making him think and pushing him to speak.

“What the hell are you saying.”

“Na, you know what I’m saying, you’re the smartest in our class.” Naruto blinked really really hard, until his forehead shortened and the skin of his temples creased and he made sure nothing left his eyes because he was a good ninja like that. Rule number 25, and the fact that if he didn’t stop himself now there’d be no stopping him. He squinted and his teeth grew into a smile until the whiskers on his cheeks turned up forcibly, so he laughed and scratched the back of his head. “She likes you, you know. You should be here.”

Gesturing to the world around them, the ‘instead of me’ was implicit.

“…are you _fucking kidding me?_ ”

The ire on his ghost face was actually scaring him, like vengeful spirits in the movies. The air grew darker when Sasuke growled and his funny white eyebrows furrowed dangerously. Next thing, he’d be haunting him. Naruto backed a step. “No, I’m not?”

“You’re so stupid, I can’t-”

“Okay! I get that I’m stupid, I already said sorry-”

“Now you’re stupider than stupid.”

“Well, you’re stupid.”

“You’re _worse_.”

“Anyway, you already know what I’m talking about! If she likes you then it makes perfect sense, and you can’t tell me it doesn’t!”

“It _doesn’t_.” Sasuke glowered and Naruto’s breath hitched because he could feel the ghost air against his nose. It felt chilly and wispy and the one thing left of him that was alive. The Uchiha was angry, he could feel it but he didn’t care, not when the strained veiny detail etched in white made him real when he was angry. “You idiot, that’s the problem. It doesn’t.”

The absolute assurance in his tone bordered no objection and summarily crushed Naruto’s protests. Something where Sasuke’s eyes glowed and Naruto’s chest swelled at his vehemence, but even now he’s too idiot to open his mouth to form the right words. Turning his face aside and dropping blue eyes, he could only do that, let him the silent win of the conversation.

Even after he’s dead, Naruto couldn’t learn to say a simple ‘thank you’.

“You’re an idiot.”

“Yeah. Thanks. I got that.”

“I can’t believe I died for you.”

“I can’t either.”

There was a strangled noise of exasperation and a whoosh of air across his face. Naruto blinked and looked up, surprised.

“Did you just punch me?”

“Yes!” Sasuke “kicked” him for good measure, then proceeded to pull out all stops from the range of basic Academy katas. His blows flew by him like a weak and tiny fan, like he was a tantrum child to his ninja, feeding to the Uchiha’s frustrations and leaving Naruto confused. Wind whipped his little blond hairs across his face, tickling him and making him sneeze. The Uzumaki let him hit him, feeling the breeze was kinda nice actually.

“Uh, why?”

The ghost settled for glaring at him darkly. His kimono didn’t look the least bit frazzled and the lack of exertion intrigued Naruto in the back of his mind. “Listen here. I didn’t die for some cowardly _nobody_ to sit here moping and pity himself, I thought you-”

He stopped suddenly with an exasperated turn of his eyes and looked like he struggled to make the words. “I thought you had a dream, I thought you wanted to become Hokage.”

“Fuck you, I did!”

“Then why the hell are you so meek? It’s creeping me out.”

“You’re a ghost!”

Sasuke glared. “And you’re being weird, so stop.”

“I’m not being weird, I’m being honest. I didn’t ask you to die for me, so if you don’t like it then you shouldn’t have died in the first place.” Naruto harrumphed and crossed his arms stiffly. He agreed nodding to himself. He had right logic, and that was that.

“Do you even hear yourself?”

“Do you? Well, you’re not even real so it doesn’t even matter.”

Ghost Sasuke punched him, but this time he let his fist stay in his chest. Naruto could feel the chill as it deepened, sink and freeze into his bloodstream until his breaths slowed and rung loud in his ears. Time itself turned into syrup. He inhaled deeply. It felt like a cannonball to a freezing cold lake, the shock both numbed him and sparked him alive like electricity. Mouth cracked open in surprise, his air blew shakily.

Naruto blinked wide. Sasuke’s eyes were so white.

“I’m _real_ , you stupid, idiot loser. I’m-”

The hand yanked out of his chest suddenly and Naruto gasped loudly when the warmth rushed in. His heartbeat seemed to return itself, loud and patterned in his ears. It thumped and Sasuke stared at his hand, clenched and release, holding it carefully, squeezing it with the other. “I’m real, okay? I… I remember everything,” he seemed to say to himself.

Naruto’s words caught in his throat.

“Okay.”

“Okay? I’m real.” Sasuke looked at him frantically, the whites of his eyes moving from side to side with desperation as if he were trying to find the answer in Naruto. Naruto didn’t know what to tell him. Having a friend appear before him was one of his cherished pipe dreams and the usual; Sasuke won’t find any comfort here.

Existential crisis and deep shit like that, Naruto wasn't particularly good at neither.

“Okay.”

But it was important to this ghost-imagination-whatever this thing was, to have him believe him. It would make him feel better. It would make him happy. Maybe it would hurt to play along, Naruto knew, but it would hurt worse to watch the ghost of his friend like this. Confused and unconfident and not so Uchiha smug anymore, not the boy he was like when he was alive. Naruto swallowed the distaste in his mouth and he shook himself off of it.

If it was the last thing he could do for him, as a friend...

“I’ll believe you,” he said and watched as Sasuke’s spirit relaxed minutely, which was weird because he was dead, who did it matter who was real when a kunai could pass through him easily unharmed. Naruto didn’t get it. Sasuke’s must've been worried awhile, must've been wandering for some time but it can’t have been that bad. He was only dead for a week.

The ghost stiffly tucked his arms in his kimono sleeves. “About time.”

He could hear the strength back in his voice. The white of his dress seemed to get whiter, finalize in his thoughts to Naruto’s growing horror. He didn’t know whether that was a good thing, or-

-whether he was about to kill himself in this too.

Naruto tried to regain control of his enthusiasm. “Big deal, you’re real. So what? You’re still dead.”

“I know.”

“And you’re a ghost. Are you haunting me?” That wasn’t a bad prospect, now that he thought about it.

“No, you _idiot_.” Sasuke rolled his eyes with amusement and the familiarity of the gesture made his heart skip in his throat. Imagination or no, this was something great and he didn’t want to let it disappear. Naruto waited to listen to what this ghost had to say, and without knowing it he cemented his fate.

Sasuke told him. “I think I need your help.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this was supposed to be a oneshot, and I was supposed to write other things but shit happens, right? I'm not the best at humor but hopefully after this angsty meeting goes under, I'll get better? That is the plan.


	2. Chapter 2

“You need my help? What do you need my help for?”

“What do you think? You’re the only one who can see me, you must be the only one who can help.”

If he were to be honest his logic made sense, Naruto grudgingly shrugged. It wasn’t something he wanted to admit because his eyes were averted from the ghost’s eyes, too focused onto his face and pupils whiter than the hottest fire. Sasuke was growing upset, down to the tightened cross of his arms and that ghostly aura of his, coloring a dark purple.

Naruto knew why too. He was only a little on the defensive.

“If you’re scared of me why don’t you say so.”

“I’m not scared of you!”

“Hah. Looking at you now… If I didn’t experience it myself I would say that you killed me,” Sasuke started and Naruto jerked under his clothes on instinct. Sasuke saw. His eyes narrowed at him darkly.

“I hate people who think they’re the center of everything.”

“What does that have to do with me?”

“Do you actually feel guilty? You actually believe that you killed me? Stupid.” Ghost Sasuke dismissed him with a scoff.

And it hurt. Sasuke didn’t even _know_.

He was haughty in the way he stood, fire in his light and looking down on him; Naruto, who curled in a cringe and kept his eyes low, focused on a spot on the ground, at the way the forest floor was stark green through ghost body. Sasuke didn’t understand and Naruto wished he saw it all sooner – the little things, the secret things – like the first moment tied to his stump but raising his chopsticks in offering, white sticky rice clumped in between.

Sasuke had been his friend from the start. He did feel stupid.

“I’m not dumb!” he tried.

“Oh yeah? Then what do you feel sorry for? You’re completely wasting your time.”

“Who said I felt sorry in the first place?”

“You think that it’s all your fault. You feel ‘responsible’. But you’re not the boss of me.”

“And you’re not the boss of me! You don’t know everything!” Naruto pointed.

Sasuke laughed at him.

Each word took a hit deeply. Naruto felt mad and hurt and he couldn’t choose between the two, he could only look at him until his brows furrowed, sad and heavy with confusion. He knew Sasuke was just trying to help him move on in his own Sasuke-y way. He had thought he had figured him out by now.

It turned out it knowing didn’t matter. Naruto was going to yell at him all the wrong things, even on his last chance.

“Well you don’t! I hate you, it’s true, I hate you!”

When Sasuke came to him as a ghost it was like the twin demon brothers all over again. Standing there unable to move, eyes forced to watch. Naruto didn’t know that death would follow him to the moment he least expected it, when the Land of Mist was already days behind him, when the red power coursing through his hands had left his body empty of feeling. He had thought the threat was gone. Honestly, he was relieved.

At least it wasn’t _him_ , he thought.

That made Naruto feel worse. Small. Even now, Sasuke was a beacon of light and mature years ahead of him, light as a wisp but proud. He was the one who did what he couldn’t have done, not even looking the least bit scared of death.

He was a hero.

Naruto’s face was red and his voice was high in pitch and cracking horribly.

“What do you even know, bastard? You’re dead! Maybe _you_ think you are the center of everything and that I actually feel something over you. Well, you’re wrong. I lied. No one even cares that you’re gone, it’s not like you have anyone you know who noticed. You died for no reason, stupid.”

The purple got darker.

Sasuke’s face was brighter high in his cheeks, tight circles of light focused like he was red from embarrassment if he was alive.

“It’s not like I really died for you in the first place. I told you my body moved on its own. I’m a ninja of the Leaf Village, I had a purpose and a reason. You never do anything, you just stood there.”

“I didn’t stand there I had it covered!”

“Oh really? You’re the worst ninja alive. You couldn’t even turn to where Haku was coming from and if it wasn’t for me you would’ve been skewered with needles.”

“Oh yeah! How do you think I survived then? Maybe you’re just weak.”

Sasuke’s aura was actually getting scary. It was surging and flaring, the heat of it licking sears against his skin. It burned and gods, he felt shitty for reveling in the fight but the boy was _warm_.

Naruto thought if he rubbed his eyes some the other boy seemed to settle, deepen in color.

“I’m still _here_ , Uzumaki, I’m not dead yet.”

Naruto countered. “You’re stuck, you couldn’t even-”

“For fuck’s sake!” Sasuke growled. “If you don’t want to help me, you can just say so! Now.”

It was a while that Sasuke glared at him. Hard, white eyes and his traditional dress, he looked like Hinata but scarier. He looked smaller. He was mad and there was something in his light, delicately etched in the lines of his face, angels weren’t supposed to be so human.

How could he be hurt? How could he look pained? He couldn’t feel anything, he was dead.

Naruto felt a sting in the pits of his stomach and he let it churn.

“I’m not a cure,” he spoke softly to the ground.

“What does that mean?”

“I’m not a cure,” Naruto said and clenched his fists to his sides, keeping his eyes under his bangs. If he couldn’t see Sasuke-

Maybe he could speak the truth.

“I don’t know why I can see you, okay? I don’t know why you’re here because I’ve never met a ghost in my life! I don’t know how you’re stuck, sorry, but I don’t understand what’s going on or what’s wrong with you. I don’t know how to help,” Naruto pleaded.

Even as he was saying this, he felt the pieces crunch and implode because some small part of him could guess the truth; he wasn’t one to lie to himself and he wasn’t that stupid.

Iruka used to say that the problems we face were chosen for us, and they were only hard because that’s the ones we needed the most. Things that we couldn’t run away from. Things that were important. Naruto didn’t want to admit that maybe he needed to see Sasuke one last time, not if it was the last thing he could keep.

His pride, his dignity? Naruto didn’t even know what those words mean.

“I… can’t help you,” he said, embarrassed.

The look in Sasuke’s face turned cold.

“Fine.”

Naruto faced away.

“Forget I asked then.”

His shoulders slumped.

In the time it took for Naruto to feel sorry for himself, the lie eating away at the corners of his mouth, he stretched his lips wide until his teeth showed brightly. He scratched his hand behind his head, a nervous tic he never grew out of, and laughed off the guilt.

“Maybe you could go back to your body and like, go back inside it or something.”

Sasuke said nothing.

His words trembled when he spoke too quickly. “Naa, who knows, maybe you’d come back to life? That would be totally crazy, huh? Hahaha, you would really surprise everybody…”

Sasuke stared at him closely, and though Naruto knew he didn’t have the Byakugan but the Sharingan, it felt like he was seeing right through him. He made Naruto nervous, until his laughing was getting too loud, too forced, barking harshly from his throat.

“Naruto.”

It was the way he said it. Naruto felt the itch in his legs burn, he wanted to run away as fast as he could.

“Ahahaha, look at the time, Kakashi-sensei will be waiting to train us now.”

“Naruto.”

“We’re gonna get a new team member today, I wonder what they will be like…”

“Naruto, stop lying,” Sasuke said.

And he didn’t want to listen after that.

Before he could say anything else and dig himself a deeper grave, Naruto didn’t want to hurt his friend anymore. He didn’t want to help him neither. He didn’t want anything to do with him. Naruto made himself turn around and ran.

…

Soon enough he was out of the woods both literally and figuratively. He was free. Naruto walked under the sun, though not to their bridge meet, everyone knew that Kakashi came late all the time anyway.

He was sure Ghost Sasuke knew that fact but didn’t say anything then.

It didn’t matter now.

Naruto was going to return back home and go to sleep. Get in bed and by tomorrow forget everything. Once he was out of the forest and far from the ninja memorial he wouldn’t be able to see ghosts again. If he stayed in the city where other people were around him, everything would return to normal.

He decided to play the part. Wasting time in the local market, he bought some basic groceries – milk, eggs – and was in the process of placing a very ripe banana in his basket when Sasuke tsked.

“Don’t get that one, dumbass.”

Naruto shrieked and the lady across the produce aisle gave him a disapproving look.

Ghost Sasuke had a resting dead eye, unimpressed with his reaction.

“You told me you weren’t haunting me!”

“I’m not.”

“Then what the hell are you doing here? Did you follow me all the way here?”

“I’m not leaving,” Sasuke said unmovably, while his body floated down to the floor. His nose upturned and his eyes were glinted and hard. He crossed his hands sternly. “Not when I’ve found the only person who can see me. You’re not getting rid of me that easy.”

“So then you’re just going to follow me home?”

Sasuke shrugged.

“What if we never find out why you’re a ghost, are you going to haunt me forever?”

Sasuke shrugged again.

“Hey, that’s stalking!”

He snorted at him.

“You can’t do that! I have a right to privacy.”

“In that case, you should watch your voice, you’re in public.”

Naruto only noticed at the moment the people around giving him whispered glances. He blushed when they pointed at him. He was shaking the banana like a wildman every time he wanted to emphasize his thoughts, shouting aloud to himself like he was insane. And now he realized how he looked. Naruto put the fruit back gently, while Sasuke looked on disinterested.

“You coulda told me sooner,” he muttered, then got a better, yellower, not-ripe banana. Not because Sasuke told him to. He just squished the one he was holding.

The ghost bored. “You could have chosen to help me.”

“I told you I can’t!”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Hey, believe me! I don’t even know why you’re a ghost, what the hell was I supposed to do, bring you back to life or something? I can’t do that, I’m not a doctor – oh, hahaha, just thinking aloud, hahaha,” when the office man walked away shaking his head, Naruto cleared his throat audibly. He continued in a lowered tone and casually picked up a leek, even though he knew they both knew he didn’t know how to cook. “You should like, go to church, man.”

Sasuke stared.

“You know… that’s where everybody goes. Where they bring life. Iruka-sensei told me that.”

Ghost head tilted softly and his look was more appraising. It bothered Naruto, like he was seeing right through him. “Is that what you want, Naruto? To bring me back to life?” he said.

Naruto flushed and Sasuke looked at him.

“What?”

“Is that what you want? Is that what you think of when I ask you to help me?” Sasuke floated closer and reached out a ghostly hand to him. Naruto froze mesmerized, with the leek clutched inside his grip. The cloudy outline of the arm was gray with swirling particles as it moved slowly, until upon contact Sasuke disintegrated like smoky water. His body… poured over the leek and bloomed empty dust against his skin. His hand was gone. Sasuke retreated his arm to himself.

“You know I can’t come back.”

Naruto didn’t expect it to hurt so much when he said that.

“But I can’t stay either.”

His body went cold.

His words were viciously quick, ripped out of him. “You don’t know that,” Naruto said thickly, even though he didn’t completely understand the pain he was feeling. Panic and violence, he itched to punch the ghost and have it _hurt_. Sasuke was looking at his hand, twirling it with curiosity, watching the light particles chase themselves. “You don’t know _nothing_. Hah?! You can’t say that and expect me to ‘help’, you bastard, you can’t-”

Naruto’s eyes welled up and his throat was scratchy. Sasuke sighed very softly.

That was the final push.

Naruto pointed, and damn the other customers. “Fuck you!”

“Naruto.”

He stumbled as he backed away, pointer finger shaking. “You were the one who blamed me earlier!”

“I was trying to help.”

“You want me to… to finish the _job_ – you were asking me to kill you,” Naruto whispered because his voice was too tight for anything else.

Then, slowly, Sasuke nodded.

Naruto was pissed. He wildly shook his head. “I’m not gonna, I’m not gonna and you can’t make me. See? I knew it, _I knew it_ , you bastard, I knew I was right to leave. You must be crazy to think that I’m gonna do what you say. You’re wrong, and you’re a sick bastard, and I’m not gonna be the one to-”

Sasuke kept his eyes to the floor, averted away from his fumes with his hands hidden behind him.

Naruto stuck up his chin and didn’t let any of that sway him.

“I’m not gonna be a killer.”

“You’re not.”

“Then stop haunting me – screw that – I’m not ‘helping’ you!”

“Naruto, please.” Sasuke sighed to himself, like he was getting old and tired. Like he knew something that Naruto couldn’t understand. “You’re the only one who can see me. You’re the only one who can help.”

Sasuke waited. He was watching him with those white eyes of his and waiting, ghost body flickering in the air idly. He looked at him as if Naruto would change his mind and feel better all of a sudden. He had that heavy look somebody would give as if he understood him and his pain, patient and expecting and without blinking once, until Naruto balled his hands holding his basket, looked down at his produce, hating the sparse food all of a sudden.

“This is dumb.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I’m not,” Sasuke said and he smiled, softly. It made Naruto curl and hide into himself, hug his basket even closer. “I’m really glad that it was you.”

And Naruto didn’t know what else to say after that.

…

When he returned home, he carefully placed each food while Sasuke floated by, watching. It was weird as it looked normal: Sasuke’s hands tucked in his kimono sleeves, lingering amongst his drawers and following his every step, head inclined like a sniffing, curious dog and inspecting his very home.

He was bothered by his nearness. His seeing.

Frustrated, Naruto spoke. “Why do you do that?”

“Do what?”

Naruto pointed at the floor where Sasuke’s feet hovered just barely, the light interacting with the checkered kitchen tiling. “Walking. You don’t have to touch the floor, you know.”

“I know.”

Naruto felt dissatisfied. He didn’t know he was pouting, until Sasuke rolled his eyes smartly, a small smile across his lips.

“Idiot. It’s easier for you.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Oh?”

He was serious. “You’re a ghost. Be a ghost.”

Sasuke rolled his eyes again but Naruto didn’t let that stop him.

“You keep doing things, trying to act like you’re alive, like you’re trying to fool me. Well, I’m gonna tell you right now that you can’t and it’s not gonna work. I’m not gonna be fooled again.”

“‘Again’?”

“If you’re a ghost, act like one.”

“Oh?” Sasuke raised a white eyebrow and his look was amused. “And what does a ghost act like? What, would you like me to possess that teapot over there? Would you like if I said ‘boo’?”

Naruto didn’t want his cheeks to stretch into a smile, but he couldn’t stop it all the same. He muttered, face averted as his cheeks warmed pink. “Don’t scare me.”

“Alright, Naruto. Boo.”

“You were never funny, Sasuke.”

The ghost huffed air, his light brighter and whiter in his belly until Naruto realized he was laughing. Sasuke’s voice was warm, and chuckling, “Don’t sound so disappointed.”

Naruto smiled.

He grinned and his cheeks felt tight. But a thought and just as quickly as it came, the charm ended and his face fell. Naruto darkened. “And?” he asked. “What do we do now? You asked me for help… but what am I supposed to do?” Naruto rose in voice only to slump against his counter. He was small in his small apartment and unkempt kitchen, the dishes left unwashed and the returning of groceries only for courtesy’s-sake. He wasn’t at his best and his house wasn’t at its best, and he was stuck in his home with nowhere left to run. Nowhere to escape.

Sasuke stood in front of him, unwavering. Naruto’s gaze wandered in circles, until finally he had to look him in the eyes.

“You can be my other half. My hands. My voice,” Sasuke said.

Naruto went quiet.

“Could you-” he started suddenly and retreated into himself. Sasuke hid his face away while he hugged his hands closer, his kimono sleeves shifted. “Nevermind.”

Naruto blinked.

“What?”

“Nothing. You wouldn’t understand.”

“Hey! You asked for my help you have to tell me what it is.” Naruto twisted in mouth and spoke bitterly under his voice. “I woulda understand if you would tell me what you were hiding.”

Sasuke nodded, but it seemed only to himself. “I was thinking why am I stuck here. What’s keeping me here. Why I can’t seem to find peace.”

As he said this the heaviness in Sasuke’s words sunk slowly through his skin, raising his hairs and goosebumps and chilling him to his bones. Naruto felt the weight and the age until Sasuke wasn’t the same Sasuke that he had remembered. This _boy_ was older. Death had changed him. His late teammate was too young to be saying things like this.

Naruto had thought that it was finally better for Sasuke, that the boy was lucky, that he could see his mom and dad and family again. But instead, Sasuke was stuck with him.

“I still want my revenge.”

“Huh?”

“I want to kill a certain man, I remember I wanted to.” Sasuke spoke the words aloud as if to remind himself. His words were clear and punctuated and slow with growing bewilderment. “I was sure I wanted it more than anything in the world.”

Naruto didn’t get it.

“Well, you’re dead, you can’t even-”

“I know!”

“I’m not killing anyone-”

“ _No_.” Sasuke zoomed closer like a shot, wild and crackling his smoke and electricity. “I want _my_ revenge. Not your help,” he growled.

Sasuke’s eyes were furious and bright.

Naruto backed his face a little, shifty and stuttering. “Then what do you want, bastard, you say one thing and then you say another, and then you ask me for help and I-”

“I still want your help.”

“For what?!”

“I don’t know!”

“I don’t know either!”

Sasuke turned away and harrumphed haughtily. “Of course you don’t, I didn’t expect you to.”

“What the hell?” Naruto exclaimed. He was feeling cornered with the way the energy in the air was heating up. “Then what do you want from me, what did you expect?”

“I told you: hands. And voice.”

“So?”

“So,” Sasuke started carefully and he looked to be struggling to say this. “So that means we both ‘don’t know’ the reason why you can see me and why I’m stuck. We both don’t know how to get me out. That means we need somebody’s help. Could you-” he paused, his voice a bit sorry.

“Could you go around saying that you can see ghosts?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Way too late update. Also, another cliffhanger.
> 
> Honestly I don’t understand what Naruto’s feeling, just kinda going with the flow here. So if you’ve concluded he’s contradicting himself, you’re totally right. He’s definitely contradicting himself from last chapter, contradicting even within the same chapter, and I guess this is just what happens when you don’t update for almost a year~ Sorry if the internal flow failed, but I found the deep self-denial too interesting to let go so I chose to keep it. Oh, and sorry for not updating since February, yeah, but that’s just me being shitty like that.
> 
> (i’ll work on more humor and maybe post sooner. I promise, I’m trying.)


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